Hill Enterprises, Inc

Naming the Problem
Communication Tool

What:	An assertive communication tool that requires both inquiry and advocacy skills. It can be used collaboratively. It brings the real problem to the surface so that it can be addressed.
When:	Use it when communications are “stuck” or “cycling”. Use it when you are frustrated—before you “blow up”. Use it as a last resort when you feel you have nothing to lose.
How:	Follow the process outlined below

Process Step	Possible Questions
Describe mutual behavior and state your concerns.	“We seem to be having the same conversation over and over and I don’t feel like we’re making any progress…”· “I’ve noticed a pattern in our relationship…you have asked me several times to provide you with free recommendations or proposals. I invest my time to research and present ideas to you and then you shoot them down. I’m confused about where this is going…”
Review mutual outcomes.	My understanding has been that we both want _____(goal or outcome).
Put the other person at choice by stating the consequences of their continued behavior (+/-).	(+) “I think we can both get what we want if you’ll work with me by______(describe what you want them to do). I’m prepared to ______(describe what you will do).”· (-) “I’m afraid I’ll have to _____(describe behavior or consequence) if our interaction doesn’t change. I can’t go on this way.”
Ask for help or use silence to get the other person to make a decision.	“Can you meet me halfway?” “Do you want to work together in the way I described?” “Will you help me?” Silence—don’t say anything. Wait for them to respond to #3.

E-mail Jan for more information.